I just sat here and reread all of my posts (through some tears and laughter) and something is striking a nerve. The post where I told the story of finding out about Reese having DS makes me sad. Not sad, as in, I'm sad she has DS... but sad about some of the things I felt and said. To you, it looked as though I was this tough cookie who found out about her daughters diagnosis and is taking it with a grain of salt. To me, seeing things I said like, "this bad news", or "devastating blow" make me mad at myself. I understand I had every right to feel that way, I'm human. I guess it's just the "ignorance of the unknown" that made me say those things. In no way was it bad news. My doctor didn't tell me she had an incurable tumor, or that they were going to have to perform some rare surgery that day. He told me she had one more chromosome than everyone else. I remember thinking how calm he was and how he must have felt so bad to have to tell us that. Nope, he was calm as a cucumber because he knew we'd be A-ok. I love our doctor and Reese is his special little patient. The nurses love her and one even said, "maybe Dr. Vadala can give Reese her first job one day!" In no way was it a devastating blow. At the time it may have felt like it, but how could I think the term "devastating"? Of all the words to describe my feelings for my baby, and I chose "devastating?" What if Reese read this one day? What about when my other children read it? I don't want them to EVER think this was "bad news" or "devastating". They need to know they're the best things that ever happened to me and all of our struggles we may have are just what make us unique and special.
This leads me to believe I'm an emotional writer. In the beginning of this whole thing, I was so overly emotional and had so many different feelings going on, it helped me to write it all down and share it with you. I figured you guys didn't want to hear about our every day typical life, which is just that, typical. We wake up in the morning, get ready for work/babysitter, go to said work/babysitter, get home, have dinner, do our bed time routine, and go to bed just to do it all over again the next morning.
Now, having gone back and read the emotional times, I feel as though I owe it to other new moms to DS to keep writing. To keep telling stories about our life. To tell you just how normal our life is, so you, too can not think of finding out your baby has Down Syndrome as "bad news" or "devastating". So you can see how wonderful of a thing it is, and that everything is going to be ok. If this blog could reach at least one new mom and take away one ounce of the pain she's feeling, then it has served its purpose. I'm not saying everything is going to be rainbows and butterflies, but find a family who is. Sometimes, I will still get the tiniest little pain in my gut when I see something that reminds me Reese may be a little behind... but then I have amazing mommies who keep me in check and tell me things like, "Do you think Reese gives a sh*t about those other kids walking before her?"... (that really happened) and I die laughing and think, you're totally right! So really, not only do I owe this to other new mommies of angels like mine, but I owe it to her.
